Well I’m glad that is out.

Well I certainly know that words are coming as soon as I start to feel bad, it may be a sense of regret, it could be a feeling of remorse it could purely just be this weight around my head, this migraine, this strain the unbearable something that hangs over me.  Or it could just be because I had a drink or actually maybe a few, and a couple more for good measure.  To fit in, to pretend I am having a good time along with everyone else.  To be what others want me to be, what they think I am, how they perceive what and who I am.  No one truly knows, or very few and it is in moments of clarity like this that I realise exactly who and what that is and what it means.  There are so little people left in my life that I trust that I know mean everything and definitely something to me and I to them.  That list appears to get smaller each day I live and breathe. How is that? Why is that? What did I do that was so terrible to be discounted in such a manner? Why can’t I live up to their expectations? Or is it my expectations that are too high? I suppose that is exactly it in a way.  We have such high expectations of everything in life nowadays, it’s become the norm.  So we expect a lot from each other and our surroundings but that can’t be healthy, that can’t be the right way to be can it? 

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